the merits of misunderstandings
by lauraxtennant
Summary: The Doctor and Rose have a conversation or two about the sonic screwdriver.


"Doctor, you're staring at that pretty intently. Got something on your mind?"

"Hmm?" The Doctor glanced up at Rose's voice. "Oh. Just thinking."

She sat down next to him on the jumpseat, and frowned as she tried to determine why he was holding his sonic screwdriver up in front of him. "About…?" she prompted.

"The…settings. On my screwdriver."

"Okay," Rose said slowly. "What, thought up some new ones?"

He sniffed, and put the sonic into his inside jacket pocket. "Nah."

Rose watched him closely as he hopped up and started bouncing around the console, a light blush staining his cheeks. "Doctor, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Doctor."

He met her eyes, his hands stilling on a lever. "I - well, I…" He swallowed hard, and started again, "I remembered something. That Jack said once."

"Yeah?"

He nodded. "He, uh. He once - no, listen, I can't." His eyes pleaded with her to let the matter drop. "I can't say it. Not to you."

"Why not?"

"Because - because - " The Doctor waved his hand around vaguely. "You know what Jack was like. The sort of things he'd - imply."

"What, rude things?" Rose asked, standing up. She walked slowly over to the Doctor, eyebrow raised suggestively.

"Mm."

She laughed.

"Rose," he said helplessly. "Don't."

"Doctor, I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything," she said carefully, reaching up to fiddle with his lapel. His gaze tracked her movement and she slid her hand into his jacket and retrieved the sonic. "So, what's going on?"

Rose waited patiently for him to speak, watching him watch her hand, which was gripping the sonic screwdriver firmly, holding it between them.

His brow furrowed and she could tell he was at war with himself over whether to say what he wanted to say or not. She ran her thumb across the shaft of the screwdriver and noticed him gulp.

"Okay." He cleared his throat. "This is just me, asking a friend something I've been curious about. All right? So don't - don't hold it against me, or make fun, or tell _anyone, _yeah?"

"Promise," she said, and crossed her heart with the sonic.

He made a small noise of distress and continued, "And you won't laugh?"

"I can't promise _that," _she replied, with a grin. "But I'll try not to. What's troubling you, Doctor?"

His hand enclosed around hers, and he brought their joined hands up so that the tip of the sonic was at her eye level. "This, in no way, is a substitute for…something else. Right?"

Rose blinked at him silently, pressing her lips together to contain her smile. "Hm?" she squeaked out.

"I mean, the things that this can do. It's not all - it's not _better, _is it?"

She thought she might possibly be dreaming, or dead. "Than?"

"Than _me." _

She shifted her stance, pressing her thighs together. "What, you mean…"

"Yeah."

Rose swallowed. "Well, I wouldn't know about that, would I?"

The Doctor frowned. "Of course you would! You're uniquely qualified to reassure me about this."

"Huh?" Her mouth dropped open.

"You said I could ask you anything. And I know you'll be honest with me, Rose, because you're that sort of person." He smiled at her hopefully, and reached up with his free hand to brush aside her hair, tucking it behind her ear. "Help me out, here, eh?"

"You - you want me to - " she stuttered, throat dry. "What?"

"Who is _really _responsible for saving the day?"

He winked at her. Rose was astonished.

"_What?" _she repeated.

His smile faltered. "Oh, please don't tell me you agree with him."

"Who?"

"Jack."

"I…I don't know what you want me to say. If I'd - if we'd - if I had proper, first-hand experience then maybe I'd be able to tell you, but - "

"What are you talking about?" he asked, and now he was the one looking confused. "You see me use the sonic all the time! So. Am I really nothing without it? Is my use of this -" Here, he plucked the sonic out of her hand and waved it at her. "- really the only reason I can do what I do, be such a…hero?"

Rose felt her face burn with embarrassment. "Oh! Ohhhh!" She burst into delirious laughter. "Oh, my god. _That's _what you're asking me. If it's the man or the - " she bit her lip, " - tool, that gets the job done?"

"Exactly!" he said brightly, then squinted at her. "Why, what did you think I was talking about?"

"Nothing! Nothing. Ahem. No, so, um. You've nothing to worry about, Doctor. I'm much more impressed by you than your…equipment." Her lips twitched, and she tried valiantly not to start giggling again.

The Doctor beamed at her, and warmth spread through her chest. And other places. "Oh, that's brilliant! Thank you, Rose. I'm so glad to hear you say so." He threw the sonic screwdriver behind him and seized her into a hug, swinging her back and forth.

She did laugh, then, burying her face in his shoulder in disbelief. "You really so insecure?" she murmured, stroking the back of his head as she hugged him back. "Just 'cos of something Jack said?"

"Well, he was terribly impolite about it. Kept going on about all the things the sonic could do that I couldn't. And I said to him, I said, 'Rose isn't with me for my impressive sonic screwdriver, Jack.' Which made him laugh, not sure why, because it's true." He drew back, and looked at her happily. "It is true, isn't it? You're with me for me, not all this." He gestured around the TARDIS console room.

Rose smoothed her hands down his chest as they came out of their hug. "Of course I'm with you for you." She met his eyes steadily and continued, "You make me very happy, Doctor."

"Likewise, Rose Tyler." They smiled at each other for a moment, and Rose reckoned they looked pretty daft. She didn't care.

He bent down to retrieve the sonic from the grating. She thought that was that, but then, as he straightened up, a look of realisation passed across his face. "Oh." His cheeks, already rosy from sheer cheerfulness, deepened in colour. "Hold on. You didn't think I meant - "

"Hmm? What? No. God, no. Nope."

"You did!" he exclaimed, pointing the sonic at her and backing up a few steps. "You thought I was referring to -" he broke off, and stared at the sonic in his hand in horror, then abruptly dropped it again. "That isn't! That's not! It doesn't have _those _kind of settings!"

His voice was rising in pitch as he progressed through his protests, and Rose tried to assure him that wasn't what she'd thought. "Doctor, seriously, I don't know why you thought I thought - but I didn't!"

"Yes. You did." He nodded definitively. "Typical."

"Well, fine," she snapped, folding her arms. "But I'm sorry, you said that Jack had said something rude to you - "

"Yes. Rude as in, _mean." _

"And then you said that you couldn't tell me that thing - "

"Yes! Because I thought you'd think I was daft for even entertaining the thought! Not because I thought it was too - too filthy for you to handle!"

"_And, _I'm not convinced that I was the one who interpreted what Jack said wrongly, anyway." She raised her chin. "Seems to me like _he_ was implying what I thought you were implying."

He huffed. "Well, that just proves my point. You humans! All you think about is -_that." _

"You have to admit though. It _is _pretty phallic."

"Rose!"

"Anyway, you were the one looking at me funny when I was holding it!" she remembered, beaming triumphantly.

"I - I -" he spluttered, then sobered. "Oh." He tugged on his ear. "Yes, er. I suppose I was."

"Ha, see! Not the only one whose thoughts went a bit wayward, eh?"

He averted his gaze, eyes skittering around the room as though looking for the best route to make a quick exit.

"So to be honest, Doctor," she said, stepping closer to him and poking him in the chest. "I think you need to accept that though we might've been having two different conversations, we both know which one was _really _on your mind."

He grabbed her wrist, and looked down at her with an expression that she reckoned that _he_ reckoned was imperious. It wasn't. It was just sexy. "Rose," he said, his voice low.

"Doctor?" she replied, with a quirk of her lips.

The sound he made then was _definitely _a growl, and Rose was sure that she would _definitely _be teasing him about that later.

"I have no interest in whether you think my sonic screwdriver is deliberately phallic or not," he said sternly. "Nor do I think that it can, in any way whatso_ever, _compete with the real thing."

Rose couldn't believe he was actually letting them do this, talk and tease so blatantly about it. Her hand closed around his tie, and she dragged his head down to hers. "Oh, really?"

"Really," he assured her, his free hand settling on her hip. He used his hold on her there to pull her against him.

"Are you going to prove that?" she asked, breathless.

"If you promise you'll never imply that my screwdriver is a sex toy ever again."

She laughed, twisting his tie around her hand to get a better grip. "I promise. So long as _you _promise to not insult me again by pretending that humans are the only beings in this universe - no, in this _TARDIS - _with a one-track mind."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Rose, please. I'm a Time Lord. I am capable of thinking about several things at once."

She let out a huff of breath and went for it, "And how many of those several things you're thinking right now have to do with bending me over the console?"

His eyes widened, and she felt him stir in his trousers. "One?" he suggested, raising his eyebrows, before squeaking out, "Two?"

Rose waited.

"Well, all right. Thirty-three. But! I'll have you know that I can still multi-task. Which is more than can be said for my sonic screwdriver, which can only do one thing at a - "

Quite done with talking, Rose closed the remaining distance between them and sucked his tempting bottom lip into her mouth. The Doctor didn't seem to mind in the slightest, and when his hands landed on her bum and aligned their pelvises in a much more pleasing way, Rose thanked Jack, wherever he was in the universe, for misunderstandings.


End file.
